I, on the other hand, could be found sulking my way around the Frenchay 10k - not too much of a dissimilar achievement, you would probably agree...
WEATHER WATCH:
Despite a shitter of a weather forecast in the week coming up to the race, it turned out to be a glorious morning. Sunny but not too hot and breezy but not too windy, the weather even had the bloke on the microphone labelling it a 'PERFECT day for running'. OH GREAT. Nothing strikes fear into my heart more than hearing that phrase - that's at least ONE of my excuses out the window if I have a rubbish run... Luckily for me, the weeks prior to this race had been spent discussing whether the course was 'hilly', 'really hilly' or 'an absolute bloody bastard', so at least I had that in the bag if my legs gave way at 3km. The general consensus was that it definitely wasn't a PB course - instructions were to not go off too fast and to 100% pace myself properly so I could power up the aforementioned hills. We'll see how that went, shall we?
WHO WORE WHAT:
Before I get started on the actual event, you'll all of course be dying to know how far up my ass my shorts were willing to go. I sensibly went for some comfy and very cheap shorts from Asda (£8!!), that were high-waisted enough to cover the gunt area, loose enough to give the impression that I have actual real-life abs, and jazzy enough to distract from the inevitable camel toe. Obviously I went for a crop top because HELLO it's basically summer and it's always good to put off the opposition with an intimidating belly piercing/mole combination.
Let's get started...
Start-1km:
The start had helpful pace-time markers in the 'tunnel' so we all felt a bit professional and more like were running the actual marathon. Mum and Sarah were fannying around near the 40 minute mark and peer-pressured me into joining them. I was quite happy to hang around with my 45 minute buddies but apparently this just wouldn't do. Pushy mothers... To be fair, where I stood didn't make much of a difference as the race spread out quite quickly once the gun went off. The first kilometre was a nice, flat loop around the UWE grounds (Glenside campus, for any keen Bristol tourists) and my legs felt pretty weightless. Always a good sign, although this WAS only the first km...
1-2km:
Getting the first part out the way, we ran out onto the road and straight into a huge downhill - WEEEEEEEEEE!!! Completely forgetting we had to run back up this beast at the finish, I was loving life. It's was a properrrrr downhill as well - I mean thighs were wobbling, boobs were going in a figure of eight and my legs were going a tad faster than I was really comfortable with. Totally fun, yah? An added bonus was seeing Fleur at the bottom - not only did her hair look truly amazing, but she also gave us all a huge cheer and made me feel like a real runner. Fleur - we love you.
2-3km:
After the downhill we turned a corner into Snuff Mills. I'd say Snuff Mills is kind of like a forest/woody area? In the summer it looks magical and I run through it quite a lot, but there are always loads of dog walkers and they all looked super confused at the mass of lycra-clad people interrupting their Sunday walk. The positions were quite drawn out near the front, I was maybe in like 50th or something?! I managed to tuck in with a few men, who were no doubt finding my flicky ponytail very irritating but I've heard that a good hair flick is the mark of a true runner, so there we go. Soz bout me. I got a bit confused at how long we ran through Snuff Mills and completely missed the 4km mark so was slightly disorientated. ALREADY bad thoughts had started creeping into my head: 'if I just went up this pathway then it would take me straight to Ben's house and I could just drop out...' WHAT? WHY? Dickhead Emma. Onwards and (literally) upwards...
3-5km:
Coming out of Snuff Mills I was greeted with the first of three killer hills. I wasn't expecting this one and it really battered the shit out of me. For any Keynshamers who may be reading - imagine Willsbridge Hill, but longer and with more corners. YES OUCH, YES HELL. In the post-race debrief, a lot of people said this was the worst of the all the hills, and I'm inclined to agree. It flattened out into a field (A FUCKING FIELD! Hellooooo new running surface, here to ruin my energy levels are you?!). Fields zap your energy way more than roads do, and being the big wimp that I am, I decided to stop and walk for a bit. It was literally about 3 seconds before a lovely lady marshall gave me a bit of encouragement and I started to move again - and SHOCK HORROR, felt absolutely fine to carry on.
5-6km:
I had done two practice runs of this course - once on my own, and once with my mum. My terrible sense of direction clearly meant I had gone the wrong way both times, and I hit the 5km marker in a residential area that I had never seen before in my life. Were we in Downend? Were we in Kent? Who knows. Fortunately there were marshalls swarming the streets and I didn't end up lost down a pothole - instead I managed to get my head down and pick up some speed as we ran past people stood in their front gardens, again looking mildly confused as to why we were wasting the nice weather by not downing several pints of cider. It was a bit weird being lost but also a bit fun. WHAT AN ADVENTURE!
6-7km:
A life-saving downhill section followed from 6km onwards, taking us down past the exit of Snuff Mills, giving me a false sense of relief and allowing me to overtake lots of skinny (e.g. GOOD) running men. A bit of advice - a 'heavy' set of thighs will carry you down any hill a lot quicker than those genetically blessed with skinny legs, but often the svelte legs are hiding a killer pair of calves and a good uphill climb. Strong is the new skinny, etc etc.. And OH what a twat I felt for bombing past those blokes when we rounded the corner to find Frenchay Hill. Now, Frenchay Hill is NOT a hill to be fucked with. At a pretty much vertical gradient, I basically ran into the side of it and would've stopped dead had it not been for seeing a few people I knew spectating and, never wanting to get caught on camera looking like a sloth, managed to reach the top without walking. I felt a bit sulky as all of the men flew back past me, but the joy I felt when I made it to a flat road was how I imagine a new mum feels once her 12-hour labour is over and her lady bits can have a rest. So much happiness, so much pain.
7-8km:
The 7th kilometre went across Frenchay Common and past the White Lion pub. This is a pub I'm very familiar with - Ben took me here on our second date and we got smashed on wine and BOSSED the pub quiz. Hiiiiiya. I also train on the Common sometimes so know that I can get round it in under 3 minutes (NOT after running 7km first, may I add). I really started to die here - my legs were feeling it from that bugger of a hill so I stopped and walked AGAIN (it's just too easy, I'm sorry). At this point a man I'd been running with told me to keep going, but all I could muster was a pathetic 'help me'. It goes without saying that no help was offered - this bloke had a bloody 10km to finish. Get on with it...
8-9km:
Out of the Common and onto the main road - 100% gagging for the finish line by now - and I knew that Ben would be waiting at the 9km mark. I needed at least a kilometre to get back into my stride and make it look as if I find running the easiest thing ever. Oh yeah, this is a breeeeeze. I cannot tell you how helpful it is to know that someone will be at a certain spot, it gives life some sort of purpose when your mouth is really dry and you know that you've started to smell a bit. Thank you Ben for giving my life purpose (LOL I am so sorry, he will hate that). I managed to stick with my group of men again and as I saw Ben in the distance I made a mental note to try to look seductive. What a lucky bloke. I managed a smile and a wave (usually he gets neither) so maybe I had been slacking earlier in the race. Oopsy. Fleur was just around the corner shouting her head off again - so quiet is our Fleur - and seeing them both gave me what is known as 'second wind'. Nothing to do with shitting yourself and everything to do with suddenly feeling fresh halfway through a race, 'second wind' is one of the best feelings, like, everrrrr.
9-10km:
HOMEWARD BOUND. Feeling like Paula Radcliffe on acid after seeing my fan club, I was ready to take on the last hill. This was the huge hill we ran down at the start - slightly more daunting having to go back up it. The acid feeling sadly only lasted a few minutes and I had a TINY walk. A woman powered past me at that exact moment, which was all I needed to give myself a kick up the ass. I'm actually quite keen on a hill or two (comes from the tree trunk legs) so managed to push on quite hard up the steepest section. I got to the top a lot quicker than I had anticipated, and just in time for my mum to run back and shout '200 METRES TO GO! AND IT'S ALL FLAT'. Yessssss. Back in the day I used to finish a good half an hour behind mum in long races, so the fact that she had to run back to get to me before I finished is a good sign, I reckon. I ran towards the finish line, first hearing Sarah's voice echoing across the whole of Frenchay (and possibly Bristol) and then tried to find my dad in the crowd (probably should've been concentrating on finishing, but I do love to spot my dad during races!). I managed a bit of sprint but really should have caught the man in front. Damn that three seconds of walking. I finished in 45.20, which wasn't tooooooo bad. In hindsight those hills were an absolute bugger but my walking probably cost me about 20 seconds altogether.
FINISH:
We all got commemorative mugs and an actually GOOD goodie bag (Haribo, fruit bar thing, banana, water) and I'm pretty sure they were playing some sort of SUMMER ANTHEMS complication CD over the tanoy. Classic.
If there was a team prize we definitely would've won it. There was a great team of Bristol & West ladies out on Sunday - Jessie, Mum, Sarah, Me (lol, I'm great), Christine, Isobel and Nicola (and Jamie - but you're not a lady) and we all finished well inside the top two thirds. We deserve a trophy. All in all, despite the horrendous hills, the whole day had such a happy, community-spirited feel to it and I will definitely be back again next year. That is, of course, if my London Marathon entry doesn't get accepted...
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