Putting the 'A' in inspirAtion (lol)

Oh HEYYY people. Yes I've decided to do the running/writing thing again. It's been a while (and I have SO many lycra-related incidents to tell you), so please bear with me on this one...

I hope you are all sitting comfortably - today I have a little race report to unleash onto the internet.

The Midland Road Relays have been going on for years and is one of the most well-known and well-loved fixtures in the racing calendar. For all of my non-running friends who haven't experienced that bloody massive hill at Sutton Park, I shall explain... Road relays are not the enjoyable, glory-hunting sprint races that everyone went absolutely mental for on school sports day - these relays have teams of 6 (women) and 12 (men) each going hell for leather for about 5km before handing over to the next runner.  This year, just for the bantz, some longer sections of around 8km were thrown into the mix. Remember how no one ever wanted to go first in the relay at sports day and someone would inevitably get bullied into it? Imagine that, but you have to run 8km instead. As if you haven't emptied your bowels in the portaloo ENOUGH times that morning...

Bristol & West historically always gets a good team out and usually finishes on the podium in both the men's and women's races. Like I said, it's a pretty popular event so when I've done the Road Relays in the past I've been in the B team. I am more than happy to be a B team runner - Bristol has some amazing athletes and to be honest I would probably also make an EXCELLENT addition to any C team. However, thanks to various injuries/holidays/people having lives outside of running (...what?!), the ladies A team found themselves in need of an extra athlete (do you see where this is going yet?). TA DAAAAAA! Step forward Emma Jolliffe please, to fill the boots of a much, much faster runner... There's a longer story to this but I'm already rambling so I think I should move on - if anyone wants to hear it then please do holla atcha girlllll.

We left a very gloomy Bristol at 9am Saturday morning so we could get to Birmingham by 11ish for a 12.20 race start. It's fair to say that I was a bit worried about letting the team down and did my usual thing of making out I'd never ran a mile in my life, I was sooooo unfit and generally ensuring everyone had the lowest possible expectations. Lol, all about the positive mental attitude, innit gals?! We decided in the car that there was no pressure as people knew it wasn't the usual A team big guns, and that we'd just enjoy our day out in rainy Birmingham. A very odd way to enjoy your Saturday, I know...

After bumping into Charlotte and Dave at the services (#teamTaylor) we made it to Sutton Park. Already worried about the less-than-perfect team, the unfortunate news that one of our members hadn't turned up didddd put a tiny spanner in the works. With an incomplete team we were facing a 2 hour drive for a 'Did Not Finish' on the results, but it was quickly decided that we would run anyway. By then the sun was coming out, the 5 of us who HAD turned up were raring to go and were determined to run the best race we could anyway, despite none of it counting on the day. YES, we just love running and yes, I know what you're thinking - we are sooooo bloody inspirational.

This left the issue of who would run that first 8km leg? Shoutout to the absolute trooper Clare Jolliffe (who also happens to have popped me out of her va-jay 24 years ago) for stepping up straight away. She stripped off to her shortest shorts (GOD MUM YOU'RE SO EMBARRASSING) and lined up with the rest of the first leg runners. She won't mind me saying that most of them were a lot younger than her but she had her elbows out anyway and got stuck in. The Sutton Park course pretty much starts with a whacking great hill, so that's always fun. Mum stuck to her instructions not to go off too fast (my Brummie aunty, Ruth, was watching and was a bit concerned hahah) and had a stormingggg run. She finished like a gazelle - tongue hanging out her mouth and everything - in 18th place and a time of 35.56. That's like, 7 minute miles on a super hilly course.

Mum handed over to Charlotte who was waiting to run her 5km leg. For those who don't know, Charlotte is an absolute A team runner. She is probably the most A team runner in the whole club. She puts the A in A team. Basically, Charlotte is bloody fast. It was also her birthday on Saturday and she sure as hell would not be wasting her trip to Birmingham with an 'okay' run. Setting off like an absolute steam train, she soon started to pick off the women ahead of her. When she ran out of women she could catch, she focussed on the blokes (whose race was going on at the same time). Watching Charlotte race is a thing of beauty - she overtakes people as if they're running in the wrong direction and somehow still has perfect eyeliner at the end. What a dream. Charlotte overtook 12 women on her travels in the 'above average' time of 17.55. This was the fastest run of the whole day, by any woman, so I'd say she just about earns her place in the team...

Next up was Alexa, who bravely offered to do the other 8km leg because I was waaaay too pussy to do it, and no one likes it when I throw a running-related tantrum. One of my soul sisters at running, me and Alexa tend to take the view that putting down our own running abilities will somehow produce amazing results. AND IT WORKS!!! A ridiculously fast 400/800m runner, Alexa pulled off probably the longest run she's done in a while (lol soz m8) in a cracking time of 36.33. It just goes to show that with the right attitude, you really CAN run more than 5km (god, I sound like Dave). She also had the best abs out of every single person there, and that's the main thing really. She finished in 8th.

I was the 4th leg runner (although it didn't matter hugely as we would get a DNF anyway) and wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be. For various reasons that I won't go into now (saving up blog content, you see) I've had a pretty odd year in terms of running/self-confidence/anxiety etc etc and it's really affected a lot of my races. In a strange way, knowing that I had stepped up to help the team out meant that I felt loads less pressure because I had nothing to lose. SORRY THAT WAS DEEP, back to the camel toe.... I was of course wearing my shortest shorts and a tiny crop top. My stomach probably comes under the category of  'less than crop top ready', but getting the gut out helps me feel in the zone so if anyone wants to heckle at my chavtastic belly piercing then GO AHEAD. I managed to overtake one woman on the initial uphill climb and there was nooooo way she was going back past me. Fuck off lady, eat my dust, etc etc etc. I saw mum and Charlotte around the halfway point and didn't feel like death so I knew I was running well. I clung on to some bloke for the 2nd half of the race, only to lose him near the end when Birmingham's answer to the Brady Bunch got in my way while on their family walk. Fuck family walkers on race day, LOLLLLL. My attempt at a sprint finish involved lots of jiggly thighs but I was pleased with 22.00 for 5 (and a bit) km.

Flo took over from me in 7th place as our last runner of the day. The most committed woman in the club, Flo drove from a family weekend in Essex to race and then drove back afterwards for a christening. What a woman. She's currently training for the London Marathon but happily (hmmm, is happily the right word hahah?!) took on one of the shorter 5km legs. By the point in the race everyone was pretty spread out so Flo had the horrendous task of racing herself. Marathon training obviously hasn't affected her speed and she was sooooo close to 6th place. If it wasn't for the random stragglers getting in her way she 100% would've had her. Flo brought the team home in 21.07, finishing in 7th place out of 52 teams. Cracking.

Unfortunately our incomplete team meant that we couldn't really celebrate - we just kind of sloped off and wondered how we would've done if we had a full team (obviously would've got a medal, OBVIOUSLY). In the end though it didn't matter HUGELY. Yes it was frustrating, but we were all really pleased with our runs and were very happy to be out representing the club. MASSIVE thanks to Chris and Keith for organising a team of 5 shrieking women into some sort of relay team and thank you to Dave for letting us do our hair before we took team photos (and for making sure I didn't wear my gloves like some sort of weird safety blanket).

The Bristol and West blokes had two teams of 12 out - no mean feat in itself. Their A team took the gold medal (pffffft whatever) and the B team were 12th. We also had a great tent spot by the finish line, meaning I did super-svelte breathing in for the sprint finish and felt like Jessica Ennis when everyone cheered for me. Same again at the Nationals?