A little help at the Parkrun

I should've woken up this Saturday morning at around 11am in a hazy stupor, still in the night before's make up, hugging a half-eaten kebab. Instead, my alarm was set for 7.15 and I hopped out of bed, whacked my hair in a pony-tail and prepared myself for the Ashton Court Parkrun.
For those of you not 'in the know', Parkrun is a worldwide, timed 5km run that happens every Saturday morning at 9am on the dot. It's completely free, completely novice-friendly and is apparently 'not competitive'... we shall see about that! The runs are held in various parks, woodlands and playing fields with varying difficulties, and are all about getting a good time for yourself and (hopefully!) shaving off a few seconds every now and again (parkrun.org.uk for anyone interested).

Now I like to think of myself as a distinguished runner, however to be up and about at 9am on a Saturday morning is no mean feat, meaning I've only ever made it 4 times before this week's ambitious outing. My park of choice was Ashton Court - one I have ran at 3 times before (the other time at Pomphrey), and is notorious for it's 2.5km hill. So yeah, maybe not the kindest 'friendly run' that you're looking for on a weekend morning, but beggars can't be choosers and all that. Begging for a run, what have I become?!

Being the massive PB-chaser (aka glory-hunter) that I am, I checked out my previous 3 times and found my fastest was set last year and was 25 minutes 43 seconds. 'PFFFFFT' I thought, I ain't avin' thaaaaat, so enlisted the help of my mum's super-speedy best mate Sarah. She's ran with me at Parkrun before, mainly because she's LIKE a mum to me, but not so much so that I'd tell her to 'piss off', give her the middle finger or give her a stern warning of 'do NOT run with me'; all of these I have done to my own, biological mother (sorry). With a 5km PB of around 19 minutes, but also a massive urge to help slower runners such as myself (hahaha, oh Sarah you will be loving this), I asked her if she'd help to drag me round the course and not let me walk like the wimp that I am. Mum came along to have a run as well, although obviously we were kept well away from each other. No one needs to see a Jolliffe family bust-up at 9.15am on the edge of a hill.

On the way up. Happy as always!

 We had a bit of a dodgy start and got stuck behind a few people but, being as lean and agile as we are, managed to get round them and settled at comfortable pace (? probably not, I was tempted to ask for a go on Sarah's inhaler) on the way up the hill. Now 2.5km definitely doesn't sound like a lot, but while navigating gravel paths, mass groups of people and men running (rather fast) with their toddlers in buggies, it can get quite tiring. Knowing that I can have a rather snappy temper during races (runner's high obviously takes a while to hit), we didn't talk the whole way up - lucky really, as I was 'blowing out of my arse'. At least I think that's the phrase.

All I am seeing in this is my weird, claw arm...

We reached the top of the climb (YAY) and Sarah said 'we're going hoooome'. This made me extremely happy, although I should apologise as I couldn't even muster up a smile - I promise you I was grateful! Going down the hill was slightly more pleasant and we even had some 'running downhill' tactics. Now I don't want to reveal all of Sarah's secrets as she is like totally on her way to becoming world masters champion or something, but BASICALLY leaning forward and not being scared of falling arse-over-tit is a great tactic, and one I will be using again. As we rounded onto the 'finish straight', I saw a photographer and tried to act like I was having a really fun, friendly and sociable time. This clearly wasn't working as I was advised it was 'only one minute of pain left'. I explained to Sarah at the end that her 'one minute' gets her a lot further than my 'one minute', but I kept this to myself and told myself to stop being such a little git. With a final warning of 'run STRAIGHT THROUGH THE LINE', I put in a kick and Sarah let me nip in front of her (thank you, thank you). I even overheard someone say 'wow a sprint finish!' and my head started to swell, only to then realise they were talking about the middle-aged man who was just about to overtake me on the line. Bastard.

WHY IS SARAH SMILING?!?!

I bet, by now, you're all just dying to find out if I managed to get a PB: I very proudly - and very smugly keep announcing - managed to knock 86 seconds off my previous Ashton Court time and finished in 24.17! Not very fast in the grand scheme of 5kms, but with a hellish course like that I am indeed a very pleased lady. I was 18th female overall and 3rd in my age group, although there may have only been three females aged 20-24 stupid enough to be awake at that time! There is no way I would've been able to do it on my own and I still don't understand how people make it up that hill, at speed, without stopping and walking. If it wasn't for my own personal pacer keeping me going, I would've had proper walk and a huge sulk. Sarah obviously didn't get a PB, but did complete her 98th Parkrun, and mum finished about 2 minutes in front of us, telling everyone that the hill 'wasn't as bad as I was expecting', receiving a very frosty look from me (as well as about 50 other people).

Without sounding a bit preachy and like one of those really encouraging people, I do actually think that Parkruns are really good for trying out a 5km, just to see where you are/something to aim for. Everyone is so friendly and supportive, the volunteers are amazing and there is CAKE.

YAAAAYYY, nice email

Me, mum and Sarah celebrated by going for coffee and cake with Charlotte afterwards - which obviously was a great pre-race snack as Charlotte got the British Championship qualifying time for her 3k steeple chase the next day! AHHHH, the runner's high.