10 things I tell myself during a long run...

My natural instinct to sit at home and eat endless bags of Revels (the coffee ones are the definitely the best, I don't care what people say), means that dragging myself out on a long run often requires quite a lot of self-motivational inside-my-head talk. Once I've made it out the house, this type of crazy lady chatter continues. Here at the 10 things that I think about the most when I'm out on a long run…

1. Oh get you, out running in your lycra
I used to get embarrassed that people would see me out running on the main road, but I have had a sort of epiphany and realised I could be slobbing on the sofa or pounding away on the 'dread mill', but instead I'm out keeping myself fit and taking in some fresh air. And wearing coloured lycra, which is always a plus.

2. The first mile is the hardest
Whether or not this is actually true remains to be seen, but I have told myself this many, many times (I even once tweeted a running magazine this when they asked for 'running tips'. Such an expert). Getting out the door and getting past the first mile always helps me get into my groooooove, and after that I'm totally cruising along the main road like some sort of magical gazelle. Maybe…

3. You are wearing a wonderful sports bra
If you look the business, you feel the business. I am in no way breastically (?! maybe not a real word) gifted, but even my little mounds of flesh need a proper sports bra to hold those puppies down. No bouncing over here please!

4. SHUT UP EMMA, your legs do not hurt thaaaat much
The amount of times I've finished a run after practically crawling down my road feeling very sorry for myself and shaking my head a lot (I am quite the fan of shaking my head at myself in disgust) because my 'legs ache' or 'my calves hurt too much' is ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is the amount of times I've then realised that my legs are absolutely fine. Exercise is supposed to hurt at times, slackerrrrr.

5. No one else cares
I constantly worry about what other running folk are doing and get distracted in big races. This could be me being nosey, but I think I also have a very sad and slight obsession that people are/could be faster than me. Probably around half of the country of females are faster than me and you know what WHO CARES?!?! When I think about it properly, I'm never going to be the fastest but running is enjoyable because it's about self-development and reaching your own personal goals and achievements.  So ignore what everyone else is doing and don't let them affect you. And now I feel like Ghandi…

On the outside I am smiling. On the inside, however...

6. You are not Paula Radcliffe
If you are having a slower training run than usual it really doesn't matter. Chill out, and refer to point 1.

7. Stop looking at yourself you vain tosser
I always stare at my shadow and try and look at myself in shop windows. This is quite unhelpful as wobbling thighs are often very disheartening

8. You are on a main road
Ah, the killer. Got a bit of a love/hate relationship with running along the main roads of my hometown (BIG UP KEYNSHAM). It's a good route to take as it keeps me going, bad because the moment you slow down, someone you know is just BOUND to drive past, beeping and waving enthusiastically. I've even had texts of concern before after my friend drove past me while I was trying to subtly throw-up my afternoon snack of a sausage roll….

9. Ooooohhh yeahhhh, I'm going to be so fit after this and will look GREAT naked
Sorry, mum.

10. After this, you can have a bath
There is nothing in this world more glorious than a bubble bath.

OH. And always have your iPod charged. Long runs are shitty without one.