Enforced rest and the NHS

I am on an enforced rest period. By 'rest period' I mean NO EXERCISE WHATSOEVER. Running is out, the gym is out and swimming is definitely 100% OUT - for at least 2 weeks. I'm not coping well with the idea of sitting on my backside for 14 whole days, but the reason behind it is actually rather serious.

I want to share it with you all, firstly so you give me a bit of sympathy if I put my Christmas weight on a month early, and also because it's something I feel quite strongly about (reasons why will become clear). I really hope no one is offended by this post as it's quite personal to me and I want to give an honest account of my experience.

*** Graphic descriptions coming up ***

Those of you who are females over the age of 25 will (hopefully) already be familiar with the dreaded 'smear test' letter:

'Hiya. Please come to your local doctors surgery ASAP so we can examine your vagina with a torch and poke around up there with a mini broom. See you soon! Love, the Doctor xoxox'

YAAAAAY. For those of you under the age of 25, it is nothing to fear and very important. I got my letter in June and kept saying I would book it but the thought of lovely Ann at the doctor's surgery sticking her head into my lady parts kept putting me off. I finally got round to it in August after top nagger Natalie Mott told me to get on with it (thank you Motty). We've all had worse things up there, after all.

My smear test was okay, nothing much to report on other than the fact I'd been to the hairdressers that day and the idiotic woman dyed my hair BROWN instead of blonde so I was a bit stressed and Ann reported that my vagina muscles were 'rather tense'. Can you really blame me Ann? My hair is horrendous and you're brushing at my bits with a broom! One quick swipe and it's all over. You have to wait around 4-6 weeks for test results so I assumed all would be good in the hood and completely forgot about it.

I got back from my holiday mid September and had a letter from the NHS. God bless the NHS - but no one likes to hear from them after a 3 hour delay in a Greek airport. The letter said that my smear test showed I had traces of the HPV virus in my cervix and they needed to remove it - WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? A quick Google (great idea) told me that the HPV virus is an infection picked up through sexual contact. WHAT THE FUCK!!! I HAVE AN STI - cue lots of sobbing and a panicked phone call to Mr Ben Stokes (I didn't have an STI - will explain this later).

Two weeks later off I popped to the INCREDIBLE St Michael's Hospital in Bristol to have another lady root around in my lady parts and hopefully make me better. My mum came with me as I was a bit of a liability and likely to implode into a puddle of tears at any moment. My appointment was bang on time (amazing) and I had the best doctor-nurse duo that I could've asked for. It was like a scene from Ab Fab - the nurse commented on 'how pink it is in here' (meaning the room) and the doctor said 'oh god, thought you were talking about her down below for a minute!'. Great gag.

This procedure was super similar to a smear test except I had to have a biopsy as well - so the doctor snipped tiny bits of my cervix off and put them in a little pot to send off (I know, vom vom vom). I was told the cells would either be CIN1 (not cancer causing and would repair by themselves) or CIN2/CIN3 (pre-cancerous and need to be treated ASAP). As far as I was concerned, this was all done with and sending my cervix off in a little package was 'just to be sure'.

Four weeks later I got another letter from the NHS. This one was the absolute killer: 'We have found CIN2 cells on your cervix. These will need to be removed as quickly as possible.' Hang about, I'm pretty sure I was told before that CIN2 cells are PRE-CANCEROUS!? Not cancer no, but one step before. Ah, right. There was me worried that I had some sort of STI but actually it turns out that my cervix was housing a little group of cells that will probably turn into the horrendous disease that is cancer if they aren't removed ASAP. I realise it could've been much worse, but I was not expecting that... I had to go in for a minor operation called 'LLETZ' (large loop excision of the transformation zone) to remove the cells before they even had the chance to develop into the dreaded 'big C', and was given a date of 15th November.

Many questions, much Googling and at least 7 pints of tears followed before yesterday's procedure. I arrived at St Michael's in a bit of a daze but with my mum and Ben in tow, which made me feel 1 million times better. A lovely little doctor lady came to get me and semi-hugged me when I started crying as soon as she shut her office door. She also assured me that although nothing could go into my vajay for the next 4 weeks (tampons, willys, cucumbers etc), I'd be absolutely fine for Christmas Day oioioioiiii, so at least I was up-to-date with all the important stuff. I had to strip off (kept my top on though - boobies are sacred but flaps are fine) and lie down, spread eagle, on an NHS-approved torture device.

There I was, legs akimbo with a small blonde lady crouched at my nether regions when she said 'now it's time for the anaestethic'. Ah yes, the injection. This was one of my main fears - injections in my arm are bad enough thank you very much and I wasn't thrilled to find out that I'd have to have one 'down there'. I think I must've tensed the old pelvic floor muscles at this point - and she'd know as she had her head nuzzled in between them - as she told me to relax and all would be fine. To be honest, it wasn't as bad as I thought and once I was numb she really got to work. The basics of it is she had to chuck a load of different dyes down there to pick up the bad cells (a bit like a heat map I suppose), and then when the bad cells were found she had to burn them off with a massive blow torch. Loooool joking, it was a tiny little wire but it did make me feel better to imagine her down there with a industrial fire resistance suit on. After about 20 minutes it was all over and I didn't feel too bad.

I was aware that the nurse was cleaning up around me and on the floor etc, so tried to sit up and have a nose. THEN I saw the blood. I'm not squeamish usually but oh my lord, it was all over the floor! I was told to sit back down and stop looking but I couldn't really help myself. I then realised I was sat in blood as well, so that was pleasant. BLOODY HELL. After 5 minutes I was allowed to sit up and get my kit back on. I felt completely fine, just a bit shocked by the blood but realised I had a few questions to ask. The doctor told me two things that I thought I should share with everyone (and congrats to anyone who has got this far haha...):

- My pre-cancerous cells were first infected with the HPV virus. The doctor said she sees HPV as bit of a cold - and if you had a cold that wouldn't go away you'd get it looked at. There are hundreds of strains of the HPV virus (one of them being Veruccas! Yuck but not life-threatening) and 16 of them occur on the cervix. Most women will have 'a bit of a cold' on their cervix at one time or another, but the problem comes when your immune system can't fight it off. If left for a number of years without treatment, HPV then turns into pre-cancerous cells, which in turn can develop into cancer if not removed.

- HPV is not an STI. Anyone who has had sexual contact can get HPV - you don't catch it from people but it's more liiike: if you go out of the house in winter with wet hair and no coat, then you may catch a cold. If you have sexual contact with someone at any age, then you may catch a cold on your cervix. NOT AN STI! For this reason the doctor said she thought smear tests should be done at around 22 rather than 25 - as some people would've been sexually active for nearly 10 years by that point.

-  Jade Goody was offered the treatment I had yesterday and didn't take it. Sadly this meant her cells developed quickly into cervical cancer and she passed away at a very young age. Her death meant women started actually turning up to their smear tests and taking the treatments more seriously. After my experience I think it's SO important to go to these type of tests - it may seem like a scary or gross thing to go through but it's much better than never knowing and having to deal with cells developing into something a lot worse.

ANYWAY. After my little operation yesterday I was taken to a cute little recovery room with a HUGE armchair and looked after very well by one of the nurses. Mum and Ben came in to see me (cue more tears) and we left after about 15 minutes of me repeatedly saying 'there was just so much blood' and praising the doctors for being so nice. Bloody lovely, hehehe (sorry). The cells that they removed are being sent off for more checks and I'll get the results of those in 6 weeks - so a little bit longer to wait but definitely worth it to make sure I'm healthy. I have to have smear tests every 6 months for the next couple of years (I think), so at least I'm going to feel very familiar with the ol' gynaecology unit at St Michael's.

So where does this leave my running? I have two weeks of strict no running at all - because the pounding motion may split my wound and no one wants to clear up such a big mess for the sake of a 15 minute run - and 4 weeks of no swimming. At first I was really upset as I'm really fit at the moment and have had to pull out of a couple of races, but we decided that I could probably do with a rest. I haven't had a full two weeks off for about two years, so it might do me some good. The few family members and friends that knew I was having this done have been brilliant as usual and I'm probably going to make them go on long walks with me until I can run again - THANKS HUNZ.

I've come to realise that things could've been a hell of a lot worse, so two weeks of chilling out and looking after myself is maybe just what the doctor ordered. And the NHS is the best thing ever, so I'd better listen...

Confessions of an amateur athlete

The whole world has just watched in awe as the professional athletes and para-athletes of Great Britain did their thing at the Rio Olympics. We've seen interview after interview and found out how they prepared for the biggest moments of their entire lives...... But what about us? What do we, the amateur athletes, really think as we put our bodies through hell week in, week out, all the while knowing that we're never going to get interviewed by Gabby bloody Logan?

1. Hygiene is not the be-all and end-all
Those of us who are the proud owners of a pair of knockers will know the importance of a good sports bra. But what if you only own two or three good ones? What if you want to go for two runs in two days and THERE ARE NO CLEAN BRAS? I say, fuck it! Wear that sweaty sports bra two days in a row and revel in the stench as you take it off and realise that you've saved yourself at least 17p on washing tablets. Being thrifty is one of life's big skills, you know.
*the same also goes for hair-washing. HELLOOOO: I have bleached hair and if I wash it too much it will fall out - dry shampoo is the amateur lady athlete's friend and we will use it with pride.

2. We WILL wonder if people think we're training for the Olympics
This thought in particular often crosses my mind during hot days or holidays. If I'm rocking a crop top, sweating it out in 25+ degrees and foregoing an evening in a pub garden, then SURELY the entire British public will assume I'm some sort of professional and possibly in contention for an Olympic gold medal. These type of thoughts often end with me showing off on a main road and having to stop and walk to get the feeling in my legs back once I've got round the corner... #Tokyo2020

3. Personal grooming requires a strategic plan
I'm quite partial to a squirt or two fake tan, but how many squirts I use will depend entirely on how many clothes I'll be racing in. For example, a cross country race in the depths of winter will only require legs up to the thigh and possibly my arms (but probably not, because nobody cares about arms). In the height of summer I'll use half a bottle ensuring that all of my visible body parts are fully tea-stained but of course I won't bother with my feet, my chest or anything below the belly button (I love a high-waisted pair of shorts, oioiiiii). When it comes to shaving, I'll do my legs for a race but NEVER for winter training (I need all the warmth I can get) and if I'm wearing little panty shorts then I'll make a special appointment for my nether regions. But you didn't need to know that really....

4. We think terrible thoughts about our closest friends
Most amateur runners will have a training group, or at least a regular bunch of fellow athletes that they run with. These people are probably some of your best friends and you'll have shared many life moments and happy times with them over the years. BUT FUCK NOOOOO will they ever be overtaking you in a race!!! Friends are friends and all that, but when it comes to a 5k road race or a particularly brutal cross-country, you'll want to trip your team-mates up and drag them to the depths of hell for ever having the audacity to run past you on their own road to glory. All is back to normal after a post-race cake, but for those 20-odd minutes all loyalties go out the window. Soz not soz.

5. Race photos are never spontaneous 
You know the ones, those race photos that are weirdly sooooo perfect, the ones where the runner is smiling, waving or even (if your name is Lizzie Elton-Walters ;)) jumping for joy on the way to the finish line... Yeah they are never spontaneous. Runners can spot an official race photographer from approximately 2 miles out and will make damn sure that they are breathing in, flashing their teeth and hiding any signs of camel-toe before that camera man gets in close range. Or is that just me?

6. Long runs without shop windows are pretty much pointless
Trail running is all very well and good, but how do you check yourself in the throngs of nature? There's nothing like a local laundrette window to assist you in un-hunching your back, picking your knees up and actually using your arms. A lack of windows on a long run is basically setting yourself up to look really, really shit.

7. One word: feet
Pounding around the streets of Bristol has certainly had an ill-effect on my little hobbit feet, so I assume the same goes for the rest of the runners around the world. Being completely honest, I've given up on any time of maintenance - toe nails are left until they are cutting into the side of toes, heels are cracked beyond belief and I've sprained my ankle so many times that the bones in my feet stick out like little twigs. So, there's that.

8. 'I run because I love it'
NOW NOW NOW, this isn't teeeeechnically true, is it? Yes okay a lot of the time you do really love running and the thought of not having running in your life is a teeny bit scary, but let's be honest, sometimes you do it for the cake. Or the wine, or the bag of Haribo, or the new shoes that you're going to buy yourself if you run well. Or EVENNNN for that red bikini you bought to wear on holiday and if you don't run at all this week then you might never run again you'll develop a little muffin top. So maybe you love it, but maybe LOVE ISN'T ALWAYS ENOUGH.

And the last, very true, but very soppy confession of ALL amateur runners...
9. Sometimes you bloody hate it and sometimes it's really hard, but you never, ever regret it. YAY FOR RUNNING

5 of the best Bristol running routes

I've lived in Bristol aaaalllll my life (apart from a 3 year stint in Portsmouth, but I still came back whenever I could) and in my opinion it's the best place to live in the UK. No offence to anywhere else but COME ONNNNN, where else could you walk from an inner-city graffiti festival to a National Trust woodland in about 20 minutes?! NOWHERE (well, probably somewhere but for the point of this blog post I'm going to pretend Bristol is alone in this claim).

Image: visitbristol.co.uk

ANYWAY, when I was a young lass I lived in the 'historical market town' of Keynsham. Some people say this isn't part of Bristol because it costs at least £25 to get from Mbargos to home (via a very difficult negotiation to stop off at the Brislington McDonalds on the way...) but the postcode is BS31, so all you nay-sayers can piss off - we are just as much as part of Skins as you are.

I moved to Bedminster a couple of years ago and lived in a magical little flat with my best friend Nat. It was AMAZING - we were within walking distance of town, developed fake Bristolian accents and showed-off to our sheltered Keynsham friends, pretending that we knew what life was like in gritty inner-city Bristol (haha, we lived on North Street and it was so hipster, the real locals hated us).

Now I live in Frenchay which - until I met my boyfriend - was a mysterious part of Bristol that had a hospital, a bit of a university and surrounded by ring roads... e.g. very boring. ALAS I WAS MISTAKEN. Our part of Frenchay is quite cute and has opened my eyes to the whole Frampton Cotterell/Winterbourne/Coalpit Heath area (I think those three towns are essentially clones of eachother but there we go).

Me running, again

Being the running wanker that I am, I've OBVIOUSLY gone for at least 300 runs in each of these places and have discovered some lovely bits of Bristol along the way. It's always refreshing to find a new place to run as it means concentrating on not getting lost, rather than weighing up the choice between wetting yourself or squatting at the side of the road. Mmmmm.
 
Here are my 5 favourites:

Keynsham - Ring road loop: 6 miles: 
We're going to start with Keynsham because that's where I did the majority of my running when I was getting back to fitness. The thing with Keynsham is that it's kind of in the middle of everything - it's pretty much the halfway point between Bristol and Bath - and there isn't much leeway on where to go for scenic routes. This particular run is one of my mum's favourites, and we trust her because she's ran for England..

1. Starting in Keynsham High Street, run down the hill past the rugby club and up the other side to the ring road. 
2. Follow the footpath on the left-hand side, go roooound the bus route and take a right to the traffic lights. Cross here, follow the road round to the cycle path and then unfortunately it's about a mile and a half of gradual uphill...... Gross.  
3. Get to the top, feel like a hero, turn right down towards Longwell Green and run like hellllllllll until you get to the top of Willsbridge Hill. This is a DREAM as you can basically fall down it, it's that steep.  
4. A short, steep incline up the other side and back along the main road, past Londonderry Farm, past the old Cadbury's factory (RIP) and back round to your start point in the High Street.

Image: caneshum.co.uk

A very unscenic 6 mile run, but it's a loop so you have no choice but to finish. THANKS KEYNSHAM.

Bedminster - Coronation Road bridge run: 3 miles (ish):
When I lived with Motty our evenings together were sacred and we didn't like to leave each other alone for too long (we are very close friends hahah...). To get around this little issue, I started to run before work on easy days. While yes, it is utterly shit to set an alarm for 6am, when you've done your training for the day by 7am and have an evening of Gossip Girl ahead of you, it all feels worth it.

1. Starting at the top of North Street (near the little Tesco), run down towards the Tobacco Factory and take a right when you get to the bottom. 
2. Run along Coronation Road until you get to the first bridge (on your left). Run over the bridge, try not to slip on the absolutely SHOCKING surface that the council have put down and back down the steps on the other side. 
3. (If you are feeling particularly twatty you could run back up and down these steps and pretend your name is Rocky). 
4. Continue along Coronation Road toward The Louisiana.  
5. When you get to the pub turn around and face the AMAZINGGGG sun rise that has been behind you for the first half of the run. In the winter this used to cheer me up everyday, because I'm sad like that. 
6. Run back towards where you came from, but cross at the first bridge (on the left). 
7. Now you're on the home straight and you basically have to bash it out because it is SUUUCH a drag. 
8. Turn right onto North Street, realise how much of a hill it actually is, take a deep breath and sprint the shit out of the last 800m.

Image: flickr.com/photos/mathewroberts

Collapse outside front door until Natalie Mott opens it with a cup of tea and a glass of water in hand. DREAM.

Bedminster - Leigh Woods, Suspension Bridge, Portway: 7 (horrible but very pretty) miles
The crowning glory of Bristol is 100% the Suspension Bridge. I don't want to knock the architectural talents of old Isambard, but sometimes we do milk the bloody thing. Yes it's very impressive but what about THE APPLE?! That rusty boat has harboured years of cidered-up Bristolians and that's a much more impressive feat. Saying that, the Suspension Bridge is very lovely to run over on a sunny evening - picturesque and all that.

1. Again starting at the top of North Street, run down to the bottom, take a left past Ashton Gate stadium and then a right out onto the main road (heading towards the ring road thing - it may be a motorway?!? Driving isn't my strong point). 
2. Follow signs for Ashton Court (you have to go under an underpass - SO URBAN). Run PAST the entrance to Ashton Court and up a rather intimidating-looking hill. 
3. There's a little entrace to Leigh Woods where the pavement ends and THIS IS WHERE THE FUN STARTS!!! Run through the woods like Tarzan (or Jane, all equal here), sticking to the left. 
4. You'll get back to the road after about 5 minutes and if you follow it for another minute or so, you've only made it to the bloody Suspension Bridge. Beeeeautiful.
5. The views from up here are amazing and definitely worth a slow jog so that you can take it all in...  Cross over the bridge as if you're in New York, your name is Miranda and a short bald man named Steve is waiting for you at the other end (Sex & The City reference, sorry guys).
6. Run across the grass and turn LEFT onto the downhill section. Remember to admire the massive Clifton houses as you go about your business. 
7. Take a left at the crossroads and you'll find another hill that you can completely relax on, and down onto the Portway (left here, back towards beautiful Bedminster). 
8. Grit your teeth and really dig in along this section, the Portway is a horrible, horrible road to run along. As soon as you see signs for the CREATE centre you know you are close to home.  
9. Cross the road, run through the park and HALLELUJAAAAH! You're at the bottom of North Street and ready for that horrendous uphill sprint.

Stop at the Tesco Local on your way back and get yourself a triple Bounty and a box of fudge. YOU DESERVE IT.

Image: alexnail.com

Centre of Bristol - Park Street sprints: God knows on the distance but enough to make you vomit
From Bedminster it was quite quick to get to the centre of town (10-15 minute run) but obviously you can drive to Park Street and start from wherever. Do a little warm up jog because this hill is about to destroy you and to get going you'll need supple calves and a bright outlook on life.

1. Rather self-explanatory, but I used to start outside the Marriott at the bottom of Park Street and finish where the road started to flatten out, opposite Koh Thai Tapas.  
2. This is quite a long hill, so more about speed-endurance than a flat out sprint (corrr, I should be a coach). I found it was better to start off a biiiit slower and then really smash the section past Boston Tea Party, as this is where loads of people seem to hang around and it's always nice to look like an absolute machine in front of potential fans.
3. Each hill used to take me around 2.30-3.00 (I can't really remember but it felt like forever), I would jog back down afterwards and aim to repeat three times - I'd go for four if I was feeling reaaaaally good.
4. After the last hill, run back down the other side of the hill, past QEH School, into Millenium Square then homeward bound and back to North Street. 

Thank god I no longer live near Park Street.........

Image: bristolpound.org

Frenchay - Snuff Mills: as long as you fancy
As I said, I did not have high hopes that Frenchay would be a hub of running activity. But how mistaken I was! Our back garden drops onto one of the cutest little wooded areas in the whole of Bristol - Snuff Mills - and it's become one of my favourite places to run on a Sunday when I want to go for aaaages but am also happy to just amble along. Snuff Mills is a haven for Sunday morning strollers, and it's easy to see why. Loads of trees, a river running through it and a WATERFALL make it feel like you're a million miles away from the ever-growing roadworks of Bristol. It's somewhere you can get lost in your own thoughts and all that (sorry, that was a bit deep).

1. There isn't really a route for this, but if you start at the end with the little cafe (just down from the UWE Glenside Campus) then you can run aaaaalllll the way through the woods (across a little bridge and stream thing, SO CAAAAYUTE!) and come out at the bottom of Frenchay Hill. Run up this hill and take a left at the top to find yourself back in civilisation and onto the main road.  
2. Alternatively, after the cute little bridge and stream thing, you can turn right up the ridiculously steep hill (you can't miss it) and come out at the top of Vassals Park. It's such a peaceful place to run as long as you're careful to avoid the dogs, children and vast groups of Pokemon Hunters...

Image: wow247.com

I never really know how long I'm going to spend in Snuff Mills but it always goes really quickly and I ALWAYS come back absolutely covered in mud. Excellent practice for the cross-country season, if nothing else.

Clearly I haven't covered the whole of Bristol because it's bloody massive, but if anyone has any more suggestions of lavly little running routes in this great city then please HOLLAAAAA.

A basic girl's guide to racing

RACE RACE RACE RACE RACE (to the tune of Rihanna's 'Work', of course).

I've written before about my love of racing but the build-up to an 'A race' (e.g. one that you're really after a PB for) can sometimes mess up training, mess up social plans and mess up my bed sheets...

The week before:
I've done a few half marathons but don't intend on doing any more for a while (they are HELL), so the longest distance I'd be racing is a 10km. I like this distance as it's manageable to fit into my life and doesn't require me to pull back my training very much in the weeks before racing. BUT the week before (and this applies to any distance really) I'd probably change my training a bit. Monday would probably be a paced session (e.g. 4 x 1km at race pace/quicker), Tuesday I'd do a normal long-ish run but Thursday's track session would DEFINITELY be planned with the race in mind (thanks Dave) and - if racing on a Sunday - Friday would be a 4 mile easy run and then probably nothing on the Saturday. A 'light jog' as Simone would say won't hurt though. So yeeeeah, the week before a race is quite enjoyable but also a bit stressful because if you don't hit your pace then people start to shit themselves that they are totally slow etc etc etc.

Probably from like Thursday onwards I will try to eat healthy (sweet potatoes, stir fry, bananas etc) and not drink alcohol - although I've had a couple of drinks before races in the past and it's been fiiiiiiine. NEVER enough to feel drunk though (or even tipsy), I've done this too (obviously) and it did not end well.

 
Friday/Saturday eve:
Depending on when the race is/how many photographers are likely to be there, the day before I race I'm likely be found with bottle of fake tan in hand, fucking up the gaff. The pre-race tan is a vital for most of our training group, even when it's cross-country season and is absolutely shitting down with rain. 90% of us will finish with very fetching orange streaks running down our shins and gathering at the ankle but we stay committed to the tan nonetheless. The other bonus is that you can draw on your own abs, hahahha. My favourites are the Garnier Instant Tan (only use when you know it's going to be dry weather!) or St Moritz Spray Tan (this stays on for like a WEEK and looks really natural).

Race morning:
The morning of a race is always super hectic. Even if it's not hectic, it is very hectic in my head. I always set a really early alarm but am pretty much guaranteed to wake up before it anyway. Ben can sleep through anything so just lets me get on with it until Sunday Brunch comes on the TV and he has something to do other than watch me flap around the room full of nerves.

Breakfast:
A BANANA. Every single time. Bananas are my babies. I eat one every single day without fail and once drove to Tesco at midnight because I' didn't have one to eat before my race the next morning. I used to religiously have banana chopped up on 2 slices of GF fruit loaf and a Petit Filous yoghurt, but now I branch out and sometimes have banana chopped up in a bowl of 'toasted buckwheat' (as middle-class and wanky as it sounds on paper) and some almond milk (again, middle-class and wanky. I'm not middle-class, lol). Always accompanied by a green tea and constant sips of water just in case I'm dehydrated (which I won't be).

Other things in my mouth:
I have coeliac, am a female, run lots and have the contraceptive injection so I have low calcium and iron levels and am at high risk of osteoporosis and anaemia. YAY. Everyday I take two MASSIVE calcium tablets, one iron tablet, one vitamin C tablet (to help absorb the iron tablet) and Ibuprofen throughout, just in case anything ever starts to hurt... I always make sure I take all my tablets BEFORE a race, with my breakfast. It probably makes no difference whatsoever but mentally it makes me feel prepared so THERE.

Outfit:
Sometimes I lay my kit out the night before, but me and Ben don't have a massive space to live in so recently I haven't bothered doing that. What I wear to race in is also unlikely to make a difference to my time or position but again, it's a mental thing innit. Comfy pants are KEY. Also, no VPL plz as I'll of course be wearing a tiny pair of Nike shorts and don't want quadruple bum-cheek action going on. I have a few bras that I wear to race in, they are mainly just the ones that don't dig into my ribs - this is so I can breathe properly and also to give my abs the best chance to shine on their big day. From about March onwards I'll wear my Bristol & West AC crop top - hence the healthy eating a few days before - but for horrendously cold winter races I'll wear my B&W long vest. I always wear ankle socks to race in because I think they make my calves look less big.

On top of my racing outfit I will chuck on leggings (2 pairs in the winter), a t-shirt, long-sleeved top, hoody and a coat. I get cold sooooo easily and would rather be safe than sorry before we get to the start line...

Face:
Some of my friends are amazing at doing their make up for nights out etc but I don't really have a clue... I tend to look the same no matter how long I spent doing it, but sometimes I wear eyeliner and sometimes I don't (heheheh). For races I do wear a full face of make up though! I know some people think it's pointless but it makes me feel better about any photos being taken and stops everyone from seeing my ridiculously red race. This is the standard foundation, powder, highlighter, bronzer then OBVZ I fill my eyebrows in, whack some mascara on and if it's a super special occasion I'll put on some lipliner and lip balm. I used to wear lipstick for races but it made my mouth really dry and gammy (GACKY MOUTH, YUCK) and I have quite dark lips anyway so can get away with some baaaaalm. Hate the word balm so much, how do you even say it properly?!?!

Hair:
PLAITS. FRENCH PLAITS. NORMAL PLAITS. HALF HEAD PLAITS. PLAIT AND PONYTAIL. Sometimes I do just whack it in a ponytail but recently I've fallen in love with a good braid or two.

FINAL PREP:
I think Ben can confirm that the morning of a race I am so irritable and angsty. I usually pace around the bedroom like a mad woman before we leave then chuck my entire life into a bag 'just in case'. I have a BEAUTIFUL velvet rucksack that I got as a birthday present (shoutout to Mone & Mott) and I take it to all my races. I used to take a huge sports bag but I'M A LAAAADY and my velvet backpack is just so much prettier to look at. In this bag will be spare socks, a spare t-shirt, more bananas, some sort of snack bar, more Ibuprofen, my iPod and my purse in case I need to reward myself after a craaaaacking race and buy aaaallll the running gear. Once we get to the race its just a 20 minute warm up, all extra clothes off, iPod on and GOOOOO!

RACE RACE RACE RACE RACE

RUNNING & READING

I'm pretty big on reading. I've been known to read all seven Harry Potter books in 6 days, had finished the Lord of the Rings trilogy (and The Hobbit aka the best one) by the time I was 11 and can get through my 3 books and move onto someone else's in the space of a week-long holiday... However my busy life schedule (and addiction to the Walking Dead/lying in bed eating cake with Ben) means that my epic book-reading escapades are now reserved for special occasions only. I've had to find other ways to get my weekly dose of 1 million word, so thank GOD for my favourite invention in the entire history of the world - THE INTERNET!

As trained journalist/social media/digital person I spend a lot of time on the old interweb and although YES social media is frying all of our brains etc etc, I actually have learnt a hell of a lot from it. I follow a fair few amazing writers and runners (and some are both!) on Twitter and they're always sharing interesting articles, opinion pieces and inspiration on loadzzzz of different subjects.

I am a huge geek at heart and love researching topics in depth and basically becoming a bit of a know-it-all about them and telling all my mates while they smile lots and pretend to be interested (hahah thank you girls for your everlasting support).

My saved articles pretty much follow the same pattern because I am a creature of habit and feel like knowledge is power when it comes to running/food/life in general:

I read a lot of running/fitness-based articles (obviously) because it's something I'm always trying to improve at. The HUGE amount of info and different training methods can sometimes get a bit confusing so I try to take it all with a pinch of salt and work out what's best for me. Also I love a good interview or profile on a professional athlete - the work they put in is unbelievable and they always have great abs and mostly great hair. Well done gals.

Another big topic in my internet history is the prominence of eating disorders among female (and male) athletes. I've seen it happen to a few people I've trained with and can 100% understand why/how people can get into a vicious mindset that losing lbs = losing minutes on the track. As one of the 'stronger looking' middle-distance runners in Bristol I know how comments about weight or size can impact you and it's SO important to make sure disordered eating in athletics is a conversation that is had in coaching courses and club meetings across the country (and maaaaaybe this is a rant for another day hahah..).

Also, FOOD! I love food and spend the majority of my day eating, thinking about eating or texting Ben to ask what we'll be eating for din dins. Food food food. I also have coeliac disease which means I can't eat gluten (haha, I can see the eye-rolls from here). Frankly if you think coeliac disease is a 'trend' then you can absolutely fack offfff - nobody would choose to cut out an entire food group and go to their grave having never tried a pork pie. Also, to be at risk of cancer, infertility, osteoporosis and in very real danger of shitting yourself if you eat a piece of bread is at best extremely annoying and at worst a very serious disease. ANYWAY, I also think all these 'healthy food gurus' are making nutrition more complicated than it should be and like to read ranting articles that agree with me.

FIIIINALLY (sorry, this post is going on longer than I imagined it would), I am a big advocate of getting girls involved in sport from a young age. As a little whipper-snapper I tried loads of sports, from ballroom dancing to tennis and it made me some amazing friends, taught me about teamwork and all that kind of stuff and won me a few medals along the way (heheheh). It also made me aware of what the human body is capable of and I think female role models in sport are WICKED. As are blokes, but ladies are more inspiring to me because we all have VAGINAS in common.

Aaaaand now to the actual point of this blog post. Here are a few very interesting articles I've read this week:

• 'The women to root for at Rio' - the AMAZING sportswomen to look out for at Rio 2016: https://www.the-pool.com/people/women-we-love/2016/31/alison-kervin-on-the-sportswomen-to-root-for-in-rio-olympics-2016

• 'The return of Caster Semenya: Olympic favourite & ticking time bomb' - great article about the favourite to win the women's 800m at Rio, and what her high levels of testerone mean for the sport: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2016/jul/29/the-return-of-caster-semenya-olympic-favourite-and-ticking-timebomb?CMP=share_btn_tw

• 'The dark side of distance running' - the first paragraph resonated with me SO much (strong thighs) that I couldn't not include this. Still lots more to be done in athletics to stop this type of mindset: http://www.strongrunnerchicks.com/dark-side-distance-running/

• 'Alexi Pappas: The mind of an Olympic runner' - Profile on Alexi Pappas, Greek 10km runner as well as film-maker, poet star of semi-biographical film 'Tracktown' and all-round super-babe: http://www.rollingstone.com/sports/alexi-pappas-the-mind-of-an-olympic-runner-w431532

• 'Hurdling blind' - Interview with Aisha Praught, Jamaican middle distance runner as she tries her first season of steeplechasing. I want to try steeplechase, so this is mega #INSPO: https://spikes.iaaf.org/post/aisha-praught-hurdling-blind

• 'Could you stomach Huel, the food of the future?' - The Guardian tries to live off 'Huel' for a few days, basically a glorified protein shake. NO THANKS MATE: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/jul/31/huel-human-fuel-hi-tech-food-powder 

• 'When being Varsity-fit masks an eating disorder' - the sad story of Alex Devinny, a very promising US athlete who died of an eating disorder, and what's been done since: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/14/fashion/14Fitness.html?smid=tw-share&_r=0

• 'The shocking truth behind Clara gluten-free water' - a very good blog from a very angry chef as he kind of explains why everyone has such an issue with the gluten-free crew: http://angry-chef.com/blog/the-shocking-truth-behind-clara-gluten-free-water

(Image credits in articles)

The proof is in the PB

'Why do you run?' people ask, 'Do you not find it boring?' 'Is it like, for a club?' or my personal favourite 'Do you get paid to run?' (I did once win a £5 gift voucher and a crate of ale but I don't think that counts...). To be honest there are SO many reasons but one of them is TO RACE. I turn up to training week in, week out in the hope that I can better my times and realise that it's aaaaalll been worth it (and for the Facebook likes, of course). A PB is concrete proof that you're getting better and all of the training is actually working - so yeah, it's a big deal.

I've always been a competitive gal and I think this is the reason I've stuck with running for so long. Bristol is an amazing city for running and you could probably do 2 or 3 races a week if you wanted to (but this would majorly fuck up my knees, my training AND my entire life so I tend to choose the ones that don't coincide with a hangover) and there is usually something to aim for maybe once or twice a month. I'm never going to be at the front of the pack so these local races are perfect for me. You get to know roughly who's going to be around the same speed as you and if they're spotted at the start line then you can GUARANTEE that you'll get the nod from your mates to stick with them like glue and attempt to glide past them at the finish. Generally this is someone you know (and actually quite like) so it's a bit odd to want to destroy them but HEY life is a competition and all is fair in love and 5km PBs...

When you're not the best runner in the world (or even in the training group), having a little competition with yourself is helpful as well. While my times are a little bit wanky compared to other people's from my club, it reaaaaally doesn't matter. My PBs are exactly what they say on the tin - personal bests to ME, and my main motivation to race is to beat my own times. Not improving can be a bit disheartening and if you've ever seen me after a cross country race where I finished 40 places lower down that I wanted to, then you'll know that 'a bit disheartening' is a massive understatement. On the other hand, getting a PB is one of the most rewarding things ever - liiiiike you've never ran that fast over that distance ever before in your WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. Your life has basically peaked at that moment (until you get another PB). So this is what we're dealing with here...

 Not sure if you've heard (you definitely would've heard) but before the Bristol 10k I didn't get a PB for 18 MONTHS! That's a whole year and a half of training, trying and racing to be disappointed every single time. If we tally that up, it's approximately 18 races. Eighteen whole races of what I would call utter shite (and I did call them that, out loud, every single time).

BUT my life seems to have turned a corner. I'm not going to apologise for the rest of this blog post but I will warn you that it's basically just one massive brag. Me me me, I'm the best.

I expect you'll all have seen my ultra-braggy Bristol 10k post at the end of May? I maaaaay or may not have got a huge PB but whatever. In the 2 and a half months since that I've got another FOUR! Owwwww yeah...

 

800m, Bristol Open Meeting, June
When I was a young chav I was quite good at the 800m. I represented the school and the county in the distance but bloody hellllll it is not an easy one to run - and it's even less easy when you're a 24 year old woman in a race against several 13 year old boys... The nature of an open meeting means you're literally chucked in with all ages and genders depending on your previous PB. Last year I ran 2.46 for my 800m (fairly average) so was in with a lot of younger athletes, probably racing for the first time. FANTASTIC! Can't bloody wait. The boys were full of puberty and very excitable so went off like absolute loonys. Being the mature woman I am, I let them go and ran my own race - literally ON MY OWN, AT THE BACK. Ah well. I felt really strong until the last 120m when I thought my organs were going to fall out of my ass - Alexa told me after that I looked so terrible she was worried I would drop out - but I made it to the finish line in 2.45! A one second PB two weeks after the 10km, I'll take that. NEXT.

1 mile, Bristol Open Meeting, July
Another open meeting, another mish-mash of runners. This one was a bit more horrendous as there were only 4 girls entered (I knew I was at least the 3rd slowest) and the rest were all proper fast blokes. A bit intimidating but all of the men were lovely and said if they thought they might lap us that they'd go around us, and not to worry too much. Last year I had ran 6.24 at a mile race in Eastville Park but I really wanted under 6 minutes... Bit of a tall order innit?! Again,  I let the blokes run off at their own speed and stuck to my pace plan (ish). Coming into the last lap I knew it would be a bit close to get under 6 mins so tried to put in a bit of an effort. This was clearly too much for my body and bladder to handle and I started to wee a bit (hahahha, I kid you not, this is a true story). The wee continued to trickle down my leg for the last 300m and as I crossed the line in 5.59 I collapsed on the floor to hide my exhaustion and very attractive wet patch. Who cares that your boyfriend has just seen you piss yourself when you've just got ANOTHER BLOODY PB?! Not me.

5km, Bitton, July
The dreaded 5km. Having ran 20.58 in January 2015 and progressively got slower ever since, the 5km has been the biggest mental barrier for me to get over. I've tried SO hard over the past year to get my time down but it just wasn't happening - and not even close. A few 22 minutes, some 21.30s etc etc but nothing that screamed 'YOU'RE AT PEAK FITNESS'. I ran the Bitton 5km in June and somehow ran 21.02 - my fastest 5km in years! This made me so determined to get back under that elusive 21 mins.... July's Bitton 5km was my target and to be honest there is little to report on. I started off with a great group of women (including my mate Lisa Newing - HI LISA) who were all sticking to a good pace and meant I didn't go off waaaay too fast and die in the later stages. I got to 2.5km in 9.54 so knew I just had to get under 11 minutes for the 2nd half to get a PB. This was probably the most comfortable I've ever felt in a race. I didn't panic, kept to a consistent speed and picked off a couple of the women ahead of me. I was 100% concentrating on Lisa - not only was she going at a good speed but she also had a FANTASTIC tan so she was very easy to see haha... I saw the '500m to go' mark and frantically tried to work out if I was on for sub-21 (I was!). I crossed the line in 20.30 and don't think I've ever been happier after a race. FINALLY!!!!!

800m, Avon League, July
After good runs in the 800m and mile at the open meetings, I decided to take the plunge and put myself forward to run for the club (rather than just myself) at the Avon League. The Avon League is a series of meetings between clubs in Avon (duh) and each competitor scores points for the club depending on their race position. The points are then added up at the end of the season and we either go up to the next league, stay where we are or get relagated. It's basically the Premiership.

ANYWAY I put myself down to run the 800m and as mum was coming along with me she put herself down to race as well. Bit weird to not have mumsy screaming at me from the finishing straight but whatever, we train together now so I'm used to staring at her sweaty back. I had been training well so really wanted to better my time from the open meeting back at the beginning of June. There were 11 women in the race and the first 2 girls were in a different class so shot off like little rockets. I was getting a bit stuck in the outside lanes and couldn't get round people so mum (in 3rd place) shouted at me over her shoulder to 'GET IN!'. Instructions noted, I moved ahead into lane 1 and settled into 4th place. Ended up running with another lady which was veeeery helpful as she shielded me from the horrible wind on the back straight. I basically used her (SORRY HUN) and then went past her on the last 150m, willing the finish line to hurry up. I stuck my head down in 4th place and ended up 4 seconds behind mum. She was 2nd A team runner and I was 2nd B team! Excellentttt points for the club. We had to wait a whole 12 hours for the official time but............. 2.43!!! A whole 2 seconds quicker than my time from June, and not a puddle of piss in sight.

So there we go, 4 PBs in 3 months. We could pretend that I'm being really chilled about this but I am absolutely chuffed. I've been training really well but not obsessing - aka have actually been enjoying my life - and it seems to be working. I think I will always be one of those horrendous people that thinks a little competition is extreeeemely heathly and am 100% going to be be a pushy mother when I have children, but it's probably my favourite part of running and when it goes right it does feel gloooorious.

My next race on the track is 3km at the Midland League next weekend. I've never done one before so technically it'll be a PB by default but OH WELL you can still be sure that I'll be bragging about it on Facebook.

The hungover runs

OH how I wish I had the balls to write a whole blog post dedicated to those awful yet glorious moments spend on the toilet the morning after a skinful of gin and juice - but instead I will be focussing on the other type of 'hungover runs'. I also wish I could tell you all great tales about the magical hangover cure of RUNNING , and that all you need to do to clear your head is bound out the door with your trainers on and wait for the sins of the night before to melt away like that whole tub of Ben & Jerry's that you'd PREFER to be conquering. NO. That is all utter bollocks. Running with an almighty hangover is a terrible, terrible idea.

Let me explain...

When I first started running again, I was also (somehow) going out most Friday AND Saturday nights. I think I must've been living off of an odd cocktail of Echo Falls white zinfandel, plain scrambled eggs and a huge desire to lose some chub. This was a ridiculous way to live. I'd get out of bed at 1pm on a Sunday with a banging head and drag myself out for an 8 mile run. Firstly, I haven't ran more than 7 miles in about 18 months so god knows how or why I was doing that, and secondly it made me feel HORRENDOUS. I'd be back in bed by 6pm (after a cracking Sunday roast served up by Clare Jolliffe herself) and spend Monday completely zombified. Fantastic.

Last time I wrote this blog I had just finished the Bristol 10km. It was an amaaaazing run for me and meant I could fully reward myself - I had two weekends of heavy gin consumption planned and 100% deserved a little break. 

First up was Marbella for my friend Santa's hen do. Not only is she one of my oldest friends but also was there with me during school cross country's and any other type of athletics event. Santa has taken a more sensible approach to life and no longer gallops through muddy fields in her spare time, but EVEN SO I packed my running kit, just in case. 

Now Marbella for 3 nights with 14 girls is not for the alcohol-fearing women among us and I of course spent my time either absolutely bladdered out of my head or curled up in a hungover, sunburnt ball on my sun lounger. I considered running to the shops for supplies one day, then realised it was bloody hot, I was severely dehydrated anyway and WE WERE ON A BLOODY HEN DO. Going for a run would be bang out of order, so I got a taxi instead. 

Hungover runs done = 0. Times vomitted = 1 (but that was completely unrelated to running, lol).

My second weekend of celebrating was at Love Saves The Day festival in Bristol. This is always a highlight of my summer and I always go so overboard on the olllll' booze and ting. Being the sensible gal that I am these days, I got a long run done on the Saturday morning BEFORE el ginooooo started flowing and hoped to undo any of my upcoming sins in advance.

Two days of fun in the sun (lol) with my gal pals and main man Stormzy set me up nicely for a Bank Holiday Monday spent starfishing in bed and moaning at Ben all day - and not in a sexy way. The fact I spent over £100 purely on cans of gin and tonic in just 2 days should've been enough to keep me horizontal for at least 12 hours, but OH NO. My brain had other ideas, namely: 'you should go for a run and sweat out all this alcohol. Everyone says exercise is the best hangover cure'. UNTRUE. Here is what I thought about during my hungover run

• 'Well, this is highly uncomfortable.'
• 'I'm very, very out of breath...' 
• 'How long have I been running? OH. 1 minute and 37 seconds. Marvellous.'
• 'Why am I doing this?'
• 'My bowels feel very loose all of a sudden...'
• 'Why do I keep burping?'
• 'Ah, there's the gin'

• 'My mouth kind of tastes like that pizza I had for BREAKFAST.'
• 'Am I going to chunder? It feels like I'm going to chunder.'
• 'If I crouch by this billboard in the centre of Bristol maybe no one will see me shoving my fingers down my throat and bringing up the entire contents of my Love Saves The Day stomach...'
• 'OH NO I've been spotted. Has that man even been home since the festival? He looks dirty.'
• 'Move along, nothing to see here...'
• 'Great. Now I have sick on my top and 15 minutes until I'm going. Should probably try and jog.'
• 'HELL.'
• 'I'm never doing this again.'

Hungover runs done = 1. Times vomitted = 2 (and a half - there was a lot of spitting).

DON'T DO IT. YOUR BED NEEDS YOU.